Disclaimer: This blog is neither wearing a
burka nor wearing a bikini. This blog is also not judgmental of any women's
wear. I have no intentions to undermine any women's wear. It is about my
transformation as a person. Transformation of my thoughts. Burka and Bikini are
mere similes
It was a
Saturday morning. I started for my weekly medium long run/walk. I wore a
T-shirt from my previous marathon runs. I was lazy to shift into a running
shorts. Or should I say lazy to search for my running shorts in the pile of
washed clothes. I was wearing Jockey cotton boxers. I slipped in to SUBEA aqua
shoes by Decathlon (I use these as my bare minimum running shoes). I bolted
myself out and started for my walk.
While I
was walking, I noticed a medium to heavy build man wearing a heavy track suit,
a green locally made Calvin Klein top with heavy sports shoes jogging at a pace
of 15 mins/Km (well this could officially be called as crawling)
I looked,
and went past him. I felt he was over dressed for this run. My thoughts went
wild.
Within a
second I could see myself in him. A new bee runner. A ten year younger self
calling me out harshly - "Have you not ever dressed heavily for your daily
run???? - covered every inch of body with all the wearable that are available
in the market. Have you not wore all the attire which sometimes toke at least
20 mins to search and dress?. Have you not wrapped the whole body even though
the season did not support?"
Approx.,
Ten years ago, in 2011 July I started running to keep myself fit. I was a heavy
weight, weighing almost 98 Kgs. I did not want to make a century - an
achievement which most of us would never be proud of.
I was
dressed in a cyan colored track suit with inner lining, a heavy shoes, a thick
t-shirt. A pouch to carry my wallet and a mobile. A pouch to carry a small
water bottle. Almost a 5 kgs of baggage.
I had a
jacket which had a hood. In Winters, I used a woolen head gear to cover my
ears. A muffler to cover my neck. A sweeter.
It's not
just physical weight that I carried, I was also carrying tons of mental
baggage.
I used to
cover my face with the hood. Run looking down. I was embarrassed to run,
covered all my flab with all sorts of clothes, covered all my scars on my legs
with full pants. I felt everyone on the road had no other business but to watch
me and comment.
Some of
these inhibitions sometimes discouraged me from running. Especially my scars on
my legs. The chicken pox scars on my legs were awkward. There are times when
people approached me while I was running and advise about those scars. How they
can be removed by surgery and by naturopathy clinic and what not. These
encounters definitely discouraged me more and more.
Another
discouragement for me running is my laziness.
Though I wake up at 5:30 am every day, the ritual of searching for my
running attire and wearing them lazily take almost 20 to 30mins. Within these
30 mins my brain would remind me 100 tasks that are more important that this
run. It's after all a simple run. It can always be done next day. If these
tasks are not done, there will be apocalypse. Since they are so important
tasks, they need better planning.
The best
planning would be on a bed under a warn blanket. I returned back to sleep
thinking that I need not feel embarrassed today. A thought that the lean old
man at the corner of the road will not recognize me and feel pity about my
condition. These thoughts justified my decision of better planning the tasks
that will avoid apocalypse
Today, I
am still lazy. If I don’t plan my run (search and keep my running shorts
available upfront), I don’t give myself time to change my mind. I buckle up and
lock myself out within mins.
I care
for none. I am not embarrassed. I feel proud of my scars. I feel they are part
of an artistic design, a unique way my body is tone. I love each and every
spot/scar/flab I have.
I feel
that the lean old man no more feels pity about my condition but is feeling
proud that I am doing something about it.
Is that it? Changing from a full attire for a run to
almost nothing because of laziness and/or unplanned way of life.
No it is
not about the attire at all.
The
transformation, I am talking about is about being protective of your body to
being confident of what body we have.
From
being embarrassed of your body to loving it. From being what others think to
what we want. A transformation of procrastination to being active.
I am in
the middle of this transformational journey. The gentleman whom I met today
morning might have just started his journey. The journey is challenging and
with lot of hurdles. I crossed my hurdles and faced the challenges. I am at the
stage where the ride is smooth and I am enjoying it.
I wish
that gentleman all strength to cross his hurdles and his challenges.
Keep
running and keep smiling
